June 19th, 2005

I sit in my college class with Rosalind. Rosalind looks like Laini from the Gilmore Girls television show. The class breaks for lunch. Rosalind and I stay in the classroom talking.
"I want sex," she says.
"You can always masturbate," I say.
"Not good enough. I want to hear the noises that come from someone's mouth when they make love."
"I'll have sex with you."
She looks me over then agrees.
"I have always had a little crush on you," she says.
We leave class and walk to her house. It is in a gated community in Frankfurt, Illinois. Her father can afford a house in this neighborhood because he is the King of Siam.
"Damn, my parents are home."
No sex for us I think.
...now I find myself standing in my underwear holding four containers of vegetables. Each container held a different type of vegetable...
I mix up the vegetables to occupy my time. Now that I am not going to have sex, I have some free time. I mix up the vegetables and want to set the containers down. I need to slip past two females to do so. One of the females is a tall, lithe, strawberry-blond. The other was a freckly redhead with deep red curly hair. For some reason both are wearing bikinis. They stun me with their beauty. The hallway is too tight. I rub against the two redheads as I pass by. The freckly redhead slyly smiles at me as I rub against her. She starts to talk to me.
"Are those vegetables. I love vegetables, being a vegetarian."
I don't respond, for I am concentrating on not getting an erection. We head out to the back of the house for a barbecue. My vegetables are cooked on the grill. When it came time to eat, I looked for silverware. The only ones I could find were attached to the grill. They were the wrong size, so I ate with my hands. Once finished, we all head inside. I sit with Rosalind across from her parents. I look around the room. I notice a sign reading "NORSCA".
"Rosalind's family must have Norse in it," I think.
I see the time and tell Rosalind we need to leave. The lunch break is almost over. The King of Siam does not want us to leave. He confronts us in the garage. He is carried in on his throne by his royal guard. Reminded me of Polynesian royalty. He commands the royal guard to shut the garage door. It was made up of interlocked clear plastic panels. I want to leave so I decide to leave even if the King of Siam told me no. I punch the garage door opener lose from the ceiling. I then kick and break lose the locks on the sides of the garage door. I lift the door and call for Rosalind to come with. We run. The king sends the royal guard after us.
...I suddenly have a wooden staff in my hand. The tip of the staff glows with white light...
We run into a banquet hall to escape the royal guard. I use my staff to help see in the darkness. We slip out of the banquet hall and enter the merchandise parking lot. I touch my staff to the objects in the parking lot. The objects burst into flame. I even set a miniature temple on fire. Fires burn around us. We run. The parking lot connected to a K-mart. We run in through the backdoors. We run through the K-mart into the Bazaar. It was set up inside the K-mart. The royal guards have found us. They nearly catch us when I set some fires to distract them. I set fire to every temple and synagogue we pass in the Bazaar. The majority of the royal guard are stopped by the fires. A few do manage to catch us. I stab my staff through their chests. I continue on. Any Dick tries to stop me . He wants to show me this pallet. A pallet stacked twice as tall as a man with boxes of cherub dolls.
"They have pubes," he stresses.
I ignore him and keep running. I soon escape the Bazaar with Rosalind. I see my friend, a chubby freckled boy wearing a horizontally striped shirt of red and black.
"Get me across to American soil," I shout.
...the K-mart was built apon the border between America and Siam. The cash registers marked where Siam ended and America began...
"I've killed a man and burned all of Siam's temples. I need to escape."
"I've found a doll with pubes," yells Andy Dick to my friend.